40??!!

Reality hit me this morning. It is official. I am getting old and my eye doctor confirmed that for me this morning. I was already not feeling great with these wonderful upstate allergies (reason enough to move) and seriously doped up on robitussin dm when my doctor began explaning how my eyes were changing. He said since I was getting close to 40 I would begin to notice a difference. Oh my gosh. As zombie like as I was I could not believe what he said. Getting close to 40. Getting close to 40. It was like those words just rang out over and over again in my head. I pleaded with him not to utter those words and he laughed. Glad he thought it was funny. I sure didn't. It seemed almost for a second that the cough syrup ran out of my body and I had this amazing energy (to run out the door) but I sat there and listened to him tell me how my eyes were changing and that I was slowly aging. The good news was that my prescription did not change much but going in I knew that it had because I was struggling to see things from a distance. As I sat there for the two hour process I decided to ask him about lasik surgery and once again, laughing this time, he said, "Well, since you are approaching 40 there is not much reason to consider it". ARGG! Needless to say I went home and crawled back into the bed and went to sleep. Almost 40. Dang, whatever happened to the last half of the 30's? Are they just lost with the wind?
I am convinced that I will not let 40 hit me hard but today the reality that it is closer than I would like to think is very real.

My prayer

Psalm 61:1-2, “Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”

I have to admit I do not read the newspaper that much but God always knows how to send a message. I happened to be sitting down at Empire China eating my fave brocolli with garlic sauce and usually catch up on the news there as they have a paper readily available. As I glanced the sections I noticed this verse. It stood out perhaps because you often do not see bible verses in the newspaper. I read it and was like "wow, what a reminder". Even in the quiet of a cheap chinese meal God reminded me of what I really needed to hear at that moment and everyday for that matter.

I admit that lately I have fallen into the "i don't need help" mode and have not FROGGED. (fully relied on God). I know that I need to pray more about this dissertation and I get into these modes that I am doing so well and then life happens. My prayer for this week is that I will fully rely on God and turn this dissertation over to Him and quit trying to be successful on my own. I only fail everytime.