Losing a friend

I lost one of my best four legged friends monday. I am torn up and riddled with guilt over a stupid mistake on my part. My sister's fourteen year old blind and deaf cocker, Jasmine Marie, was killed by one of my dog's Monday afternoon. I cannot express my sorrow and pain and I know that my sister is dying inside but I also know she is an incredibly strong person. It is tough losing a friend and Jasmine was that. She was the sweetest dog ever and didn't deserve such an ending. I don't ask why but instead I know that this is a part of God's perfect will and He will make me a stronger person because of it. I am sorry, Grainger and Jasmine. If I could turn back time, I would.

Going home

I love going home. It is like a mini vacation for me. Ok, a vacation. Since I don't travel much with four dogs it really is a vacation. I love being home. I love going upstairs to my room, crashing on my bed chilling out. I love sitting on the back patio listening to the birds chirp and watching the dogs chase new scents. I love being home. I wonder if my parents feel the same way about coming home in the summer time from the beach. Or I wonder if they ever miss going to the home they grew up in? How nice it is to be able to come home.

Why??

It is with GREAT disgust that I have to vent and rant about this type of INHUMANE abuse. This is one of God's creatures and unfortunately some of God's creatures believe this behavior is okay. This is a boxer that the group I work with pulled today from a high kill shelter. Some of you might say why not put this poor girl out of her misery? Why? She has a name. Her name is Naomi. She deserves a better life than what she has been given. Who knows her struggles but one is obvious. This is senseless and so sad! I cannot imagine the human being that is so inhumane and heartless that would allow this to go on. In my opinion they should be prosecuted and left to starve themselves until just before death. Cruel? Perhaps, but some of their own medicine might wake them up and prevent them from continuing this.

We have got to educate people on the cruely that occurs everyday. A lady at the mall the other day said "my dollar will not go far" and I just was so saddened to hear that. Every dollar that comes into the facility is used for cases such as these. I don't have alot of money and I am in debt but I give my time to this great cause. I encourage folks reading this to do the same. Find your passion and put your time into it.

A miracle!

Urgent was in the subject line so I knew I had to read this one. I get so many a day. Emails that is but this one was a matter of life and death, literally. A plea had been sent out to spare the lives of one very pregnant walker hound and a cocker mix named Ginny. They were in a high kill Charleston county shelter and were scheduled to be put down. The rescue group that I volunteer with said we had room if we could just get them from Charleston to Anderson. I knew I had to do something. I could not sit idle at my desk seeing these precious babies about to be injected with the death stick. Just because some inhumane, ignorant person decided they didn't want these two dogs, Upstate Rescue did. I emailed the sender and said that I could meet anyone in Columbia anytime if someone could get them to Columbia. Long story short that afternoon I was headed to Columbia to rescue these two precious babies. I was so nervous as I didn't know how soon the babies would begin being born so I knew I had to drive fast. We got the two in my car, got mom comfy, and I began the trek back to the facility arriving at 10:15 pm Monday night. what a day! I am happy to say that mom, named Hope, delivered 7 babies, 5 of which made it, Friday night and I WAS THERE TO SEE IT. I wanted to cry. I want to cry now as I write this but I am in Subway and that would look strange! What a miracle. This poor dog abandoned and scheduled to die now has a second chance and so do her babies.

A friend of mine said I had found my weakness. Caring for animals. No, it is not a weakness. It is my passion. It is why I was put on this earth. I have such a heart for animals that no one wants. I want to educate those ignorant people who think it is okay to breed dogs to death for the mere pleasure of it. We have SO many dogs put down on a daily basis in Anderson County alone. It is senseless that my state of SC cannot get stricter breeding laws. WAKE UP SC!!

Breeding dogs for an income is not the way to make money! Go get a job that doesn't mean our shelters are forced to put animals down. Ok, I am venting now but this is truly my passion and folks need to be educated on the senseless killing that is occuring!

I am so thankful that God has blessed me with this passion. I cannot think of another passion I would rather have them helping animals. It is also a chance to meet people and have a chance to talk to them deeper. What a great thing! I even got to talk about capstone church!

While I only give a few hours each week to the shelter the hours I do spend go so far in making my heart swell. what an awesome feeling to know that I MAKE A DIFFERENCE. It is unlike anything I have ever experienced and I love it.

40??!!

Reality hit me this morning. It is official. I am getting old and my eye doctor confirmed that for me this morning. I was already not feeling great with these wonderful upstate allergies (reason enough to move) and seriously doped up on robitussin dm when my doctor began explaning how my eyes were changing. He said since I was getting close to 40 I would begin to notice a difference. Oh my gosh. As zombie like as I was I could not believe what he said. Getting close to 40. Getting close to 40. It was like those words just rang out over and over again in my head. I pleaded with him not to utter those words and he laughed. Glad he thought it was funny. I sure didn't. It seemed almost for a second that the cough syrup ran out of my body and I had this amazing energy (to run out the door) but I sat there and listened to him tell me how my eyes were changing and that I was slowly aging. The good news was that my prescription did not change much but going in I knew that it had because I was struggling to see things from a distance. As I sat there for the two hour process I decided to ask him about lasik surgery and once again, laughing this time, he said, "Well, since you are approaching 40 there is not much reason to consider it". ARGG! Needless to say I went home and crawled back into the bed and went to sleep. Almost 40. Dang, whatever happened to the last half of the 30's? Are they just lost with the wind?
I am convinced that I will not let 40 hit me hard but today the reality that it is closer than I would like to think is very real.

My prayer

Psalm 61:1-2, “Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.”

I have to admit I do not read the newspaper that much but God always knows how to send a message. I happened to be sitting down at Empire China eating my fave brocolli with garlic sauce and usually catch up on the news there as they have a paper readily available. As I glanced the sections I noticed this verse. It stood out perhaps because you often do not see bible verses in the newspaper. I read it and was like "wow, what a reminder". Even in the quiet of a cheap chinese meal God reminded me of what I really needed to hear at that moment and everyday for that matter.

I admit that lately I have fallen into the "i don't need help" mode and have not FROGGED. (fully relied on God). I know that I need to pray more about this dissertation and I get into these modes that I am doing so well and then life happens. My prayer for this week is that I will fully rely on God and turn this dissertation over to Him and quit trying to be successful on my own. I only fail everytime.

Where did it go??

Just that fast! Lost, gone, hiding, what??? I lost my drive tonight to write. Perhaps it is because I feel hot, achy, and cold all at the same time. I have lost two good days of writing thanks to bonding with my car as a I travelled to see student teachers. Who knew that in Anderson Co. you have cow pastures next to schools. Amazing.

I need some major inspiration right now or some major feeling better. I cannot get sick right now but perhaps it is God's way of saying, "Patrice, slow down and smell the roses".

two hours tonight of staring into the computer. Do I think if I sit here long enough I will pump out a sentence? Am I truly that stupid? Gee, I hope not. I will head home and crawl into the bed and pray that this is just a fast bug passing through. \

Hmmm....maybe a free milkshake at Chick-fil-A will make me feel better.

Overwhelmed but not defeated

I feel overwhelmed but I know that feeling is temporary. I know who holds my future and I am so grateful that this storm will pass soon. I got my first revision back today that I sent off a week ago yesterday. I was so nervous to open it because I worked SO HARD on it and of course wanted it to be perfect. Guess what? It wasn't. Imagine that. I have yet more work cut out for me and I knew that when I sent it off. I fully expected and expect many more revisions. It is just a part of the game. The game off jumping hoops and asking how much higher??
I have the most awesome chair ever. She is such an encouragement to me and I am blessed that she is leading me in this journey. Her comments are always so supportive and it is so nice that she recognizes that I have been busting my rump. Needless to say I am back in the office making the minor changes. Aren't track changes awesome? My chair is great about inserting track changes and all I have to do is push accept and perfection. I guess at times it is just easier to write what you want it to say then wait on me to figure it out. Hey, whatever works, right?

So, back to being overwhelmed. I definately am because it once again seems that I am climbing that mountain that never ends. It has to though and soon. Very soon. I can't wait to see the finished product. How awesome is that going to be!

A blessing!

I know what people say. She is nuts to have so many dogs. Well, perhaps they do not realize the joy those dogs bring to me and so many other people. Two of my dogs are presently certified therapy dogs. They are members of the SCDOGS group in the upstate and visit local nursing homes and rehab centers in hopes of putting a smile on lonely faces. Last Wednesday I had an AMAZING visit at NHC with MableLean (no, I did not spell that wrong). Mable is my white boxer and has so much personality. She takes her job seriously and is great at it. While at NHC we had the opportunity to visit the mother of one of my co-workers. She is there for rehab on an elbow. She is 90 plus years old and sharp as a tack. I mean sharp. She is a wonderful Christian lady and although we went there to cheer her up, I left feeling so refreshed.
This wonderful lady told me story after story of how she had been so blessed by the Lord over the years. I just sat there listening in amazement of her unfailing love for the Lord. Here she sits, five weeks ago very independent and now having to fully rely on others for most of her needs yet she continues to give God the glory. She did not mope and groan about her condition. Wow, what a testimoney. I wondered to myself how I would react in that situation. Would I be as happy as she?
I was once again shown the mercy and love of Jesus through this wonderful lady. I cannot wait to go back and visit her. God continues to show me his love through this therapy work. Perhaps he is preparing me for what is to come in my future or perhaps he is using this as a way to show me how awesome he is. Whatever the reason is, I LOVE IT.

What to do???

I have learned alot in my 35, ok almost 36 years of life. One of the things I have learned is that I work best under pressure. Ok, not too much pressure but some. I am the world's greatest procrastinator. It is not that I take pleasure in holding that title and I am sure there are others more deserving of the title but presently I feel as if I hold the title. It is Tuesday night and I doo not have the dissertation in front of me. I am not holding my head in my hands screaming "WHY ME"? I sent off my soon to be masterpiece and I anxiously wait for its return. Oh yes, track changes are wonderful and of course they come in RED! Doesn't Bill Gates know that RED is not appropriate when grading papers???? I feel lost without my precious paper but then when it returns it will be a mad dash to fix it and return it for a third revision.
So,back to my first thought and yes these are truly random brain waves here, I really seem to work better when it is crunch time. I pray that the Lord will continue to give me strength, patience, and whatever else I need to get through this process. I know the finish line is in sight. I dream about it. I dream about the moment I can tell my mom and dad that I successfully defended and you can know call me Dr. P. You see, for me that has much more meaning than anyone really understands. Perhaps even more than mom and dad remember. When I was growing up I played basketball on church and rec leaques. I was the big center and I constantly played ball in the yard. Julius Erving was hot then and of course they called him Dr. J. Well, I was Dr. P. Back then it didn't mean much but now the sounds of Dr. P are becoming a real sensation. I can't wait. I am pumped!

Well, it is Sunday am and I am in the office trying to get this section off to my major prof. My deadline WAS Wednesday. I knew that meeting that deadline would be tough as the first part of the week is always chaotic around here. Last week my parents came up Thursday afternoon and I was so excited when they called Wed. night to say they were coming. I had not seen them since Christmas and I was really, really missing them. With that said I took Friday and Saturday off from writing. Yes, I missed some critical writing time and when I left here thursday at 6 pm to head home and begin visiting I was really on a roll. I made a choice that I will never regret though. I chose to go home and visit with mom and dad. Life is so short and I treasure the time I get to spend with them. The dissertation will always be around.

Saturday night we headed to Just More BBQ in Pendleton where we met up with some of my co-workers. One of my new co-workers is the daughter of the Quattlebaums who own Just More. I have to say it was some good eatin'. WOW. The fellowship was great too! Definately a place that I will be visiting again- SOON.

I miss not being at church this am. Last Sunday I spent the mornng at home writing as well. I hope soon I will not have this distraction looming over me.

Mr. President

I am pumped! It is quite possible that I have the autograph of the next President of the United States. That is not all. I had my pic taken with him! Amazing!

GO McCAIN!!!

busting through the wall

I haven't posted since last year. Gosh, that seems so long ago but in reality it was just over a month ago. I reminded myself about hitting the wall in a marathon. Well, I made it through that ONE marathon promising never to run one again. Guess that is how I am feeling tonight. I am promising myself that once I complete this dissertation I will never write another one. Who would want such torture??? Hitting the wall really is a wild sensation when running a marathon. I remember it vividly. I was worn out, literally and my running buddy, Chic, a 60 plus year old man was pushing me on. I had met up with him early on and immediately formed a bond with him. We talked the entire way through about this experience, our family, and just life in general. I will never forget him. He was an awesome running partner for 26.2 miles. As we ran through the "wall" they the race coordinators we were soon faced with hwy 17. If you know the beach, you know hwy 17 is a main road. I was a bit discouraged because I had not seen family in several miles but when I turned that corner onto Hwy 17 there they were. My mom and my sister cheering me on. I felt inspired. I felt incredible. I felt like there was nothing in this world that was going to stop me from finishing this race. I was in the home stretch. Just 8.2 miles left. Wow, that seemed like an eternity then but now, now that I am in a different race, it seems like a piece of cake.
A different race for sure. Now a race against a bigger giant. The dissertation. I am encouraged tonight. I feel the prayers from my family and friends. I feel the gentle nudge of the Lord pushing me as my fingers feverishly pound the keyboard. I thank God for moments when the words flow easily. I thank God that I wake up at night thinking "oh, I need to say this or phrase it like this". That happened last night and it was awesome. I pray for more sleepless nights if it means a sentence or two. Sentences make paragraphs. Paragraphs make pages and pages make DISSERTATIONS!

I am encouraged tonight that I am on mile 18. I am can see the finish line but I must run a few more hills. I am encouraged by my major prof and I thank her for that. She has always been an encouragement to me. I am thankful for my friends at Capstone who say often that they are praying for me.I feel it, I need it, I am thankful for it.